I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
