I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
