If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
