I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
