are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
