Well douche your snatch and let's go!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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