I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We have started to decorate penises.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Never joke about your clitoris.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
