I want to walk on stilts...naked
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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