U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
