Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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