Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
