Say something about gay babies.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize
