Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
