i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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