Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
