college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
