Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Congratulations! We have a period
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