i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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