I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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