Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm getting married
To pizza
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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