then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
