They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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