Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
