U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
