from now on my penis is your penis
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I am naked and annoyed.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
