She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
