You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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