He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
