Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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