Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
