What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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