whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
