apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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