shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
