I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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