Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
