who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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