I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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