She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
