i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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