I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
