Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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