There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I hate all girls vehemently.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
