Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
