sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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