Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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