I got chris browned last night
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
