I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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