Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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