billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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