That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
